Client: “Hmmm, could you make it bigger?”
Me: “That’s what she said.”
Client: “You’re out.”
I work at a firm that makes these, and I am depressed I will never get to make one of them as batshit-insane as this one.
Client: “Why didn’t you call me over the holiday to see if I changed my mind?”
South Florida transplant Armando Gutierrez says he wanted to serve in Congress – but he also saw a chance to find a way to bring major league baseball to Orlando.
“At this point,” the statement said, “I feel I can do more for the Central Florida economy by bringing a baseball team to the community than I can as a member of Congress.”
“I said before, ‘Nobody wants to run against us,’” Grayson said in a statement. “Well, it turns out that even the nobodies don’t want to run against us.”
| MYSTERY TEXT: | Your section of the speech was so moving I think I'm going to become a democrat. |
| MY RESPONSE: | Who is this? If this is Dick Cheney again, I still haven't forgiven you for the last text message you sent me. |
Why would I leave? I’m dunking on you.
Alan’s voice is not as persuasive as the dude with the deep voice, but you know, it will do. I’m conviced I should vote for Alexi now.
LOLLLLL where did you get this
This shoe’s owner has never touched a vagina.
Like touched touched, or touched? Because I am now aware there is a difference.
“When you have a bejeweled, buckle-shoed duke willing to pay 11 or 12 times the asking price for a block of renovated brownstones—and usually up front with satchels of solid gold guineas—hardworking white-collar people who only make a few hundred thousand dollars a year simply cannot compete,” Kennedy said. “If this trend continues, these exclusive, vibrant communities with their sidewalk cafés and faux dive bars will soon be a thing of the past.”
